this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
