call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Did I show you my penis last night?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Randomize
