so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
