Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
