just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
