how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
