Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
