I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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