yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
