do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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