I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize