before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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