Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
then he tried to convert me to islam
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
