Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
