He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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