so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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