I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
