in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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