yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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