i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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