Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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