omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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