She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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