Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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