id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
