So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
