he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
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I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
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you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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