I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
