mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize