that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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