why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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