Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Too much gin, very little bucket
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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