ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I have tasted many bathrooms
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
