I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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