dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
