Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
