Soap is not a condiment
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
