im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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