SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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