T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
