Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
