I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
