There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
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is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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