help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
