Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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