I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
