Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
