dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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