just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
