At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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