Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
