Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
