this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
