you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
