Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
