If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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