okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
