when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
