if only i could text you this smell
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
