okay pat passed out under dana's car
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
