Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
