Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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