Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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