Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
