how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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