If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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