i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
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I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
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I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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