Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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