i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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