my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
