4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
