Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
