Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
