if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize