I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
