he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
