It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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