Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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