Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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