you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me help you realize you are a moron
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize