I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
