Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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