you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
