i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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