so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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