I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
