I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
