Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".

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  (402): I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis". http://tfl.nu/dn08
  Replies (17) Good night (772) Bad night (6579)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."

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  (802): Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami." http://tfl.nu/q4af
  Replies (17) Good night (736) Bad night (3955)
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.

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  (971): There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home. http://tfl.nu/78m4
  Replies (15) Good night (4121) Bad night (770)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.

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  (563): My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night. http://tfl.nu/lmn5
  Replies (14) Good night (1323) Bad night (4398)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.

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  (408): He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize. http://tfl.nu/u4mt
  Replies (29) Good night (874) Bad night (6593)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.

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  (719): You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job. http://tfl.nu/yqtc
  Replies (19) Good night (3379) Bad night (1435)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.

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  (706): Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence. http://tfl.nu/oul5
  Replies (0) Good night (1117) Bad night (501)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.

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  (612): I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods. http://tfl.nu/4jr6
  Replies (11) Good night (1122) Bad night (463)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.

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  (937): The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you. http://tfl.nu/7sfe
  Replies (3) Good night (651) Bad night (428)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair

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  (517): It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair http://tfl.nu/cxxw
  Replies (4) Good night (440) Bad night (782)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.

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  (515): Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away. http://tfl.nu/jux9
  Replies (2) Good night (1163) Bad night (437)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.

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  (801): Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom. http://tfl.nu/symd
  Replies (5) Good night (758) Bad night (352)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.

  (309): View more from Illinois

  May the force be with you.

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  (847): bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died. (309): May the force be with you. http://tfl.nu/776r
  Replies (4) Good night (1112) Bad night (363)
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing

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  (228): He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing http://tfl.nu/dsmd
  Replies (1) Good night (757) Bad night (534)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  THAT'S MY GIRL

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  (919): So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy. (336): THAT'S MY GIRL http://tfl.nu/glim
  Replies (1) Good night (1013) Bad night (255)

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