Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.