we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES