Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.