But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??