There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.