Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.

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  (617): You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable. http://tfl.nu/i02t
  Replies (3) Good night (3048) Bad night (716)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.

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  (618): I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out. http://tfl.nu/syqz
  Replies (47) Good night (772) Bad night (5301)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.

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  (763): Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault. http://tfl.nu/lznh
  Replies (115) Good night (6618) Bad night (908)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.

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  (713): My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs. http://tfl.nu/vmqk
  Replies (34) Good night (3354) Bad night (859)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face

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  (503): I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face http://tfl.nu/4e48
  Replies (38) Good night (4512) Bad night (1521)
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  (845): View more from New York

  She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.

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  (845): She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle. http://tfl.nu/du41
  Replies (25) Good night (5159) Bad night (1311)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course

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  (720): At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course http://tfl.nu/67cn
  Replies (25) Good night (5239) Bad night (1171)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve

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  (313): tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve http://tfl.nu/02r5
  Replies (12) Good night (3875) Bad night (1046)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.

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  (480): this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking. http://tfl.nu/0htm
  Replies (7) Good night (4348) Bad night (1123)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.

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  (575): I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm. http://tfl.nu/2mds
  Replies (8) Good night (1555) Bad night (1502)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.

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  (812): Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI. http://tfl.nu/yhyp
  Replies (5) Good night (2028) Bad night (983)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.

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  (361): Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war. http://tfl.nu/2o17
  Replies (8) Good night (1730) Bad night (755)
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  (909): View more from California

  You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?

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  (909): You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail? http://tfl.nu/0cec
  Replies (2) Good night (1002) Bad night (645)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.

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  (303): I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well. http://tfl.nu/mq4y
  Replies (2) Good night (349) Bad night (537)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?

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  (505): After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run? http://tfl.nu/593o
  Replies (3) Good night (295) Bad night (958)

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