Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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