Texts From Last Night

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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.

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  (780): i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself. http://tfl.nu/5eaf
  Replies (33) Good night (786) Bad night (6077)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals

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  (843): they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals http://tfl.nu/7ny2
  Replies (21) Good night (3981) Bad night (860)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand

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  (202): I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand http://tfl.nu/1ole
  Replies (8) Good night (4262) Bad night (1047)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses

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  (312): the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses http://tfl.nu/vxdn
  Replies (4) Good night (5129) Bad night (865)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.

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  (248): You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual. http://tfl.nu/weeh
  Replies (4) Good night (2607) Bad night (815)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"

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  (765): You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?" http://tfl.nu/g1nx
  Replies (21) Good night (1465) Bad night (4061)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  U took a sewing needle to his nipple

  (1-201): View more from New Jersey

  Psshh,

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  (201): U took a sewing needle to his nipple (1-201): Psshh, http://tfl.nu/q54n
  Replies (5) Good night (793) Bad night (1605)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"

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  (631): I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path" http://tfl.nu/xcvb
  Replies (14) Good night (1595) Bad night (536)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  151 hangover. Need apocalypse.

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  (330): 151 hangover. Need apocalypse. http://tfl.nu/xu7i
  Replies (3) Good night (1057) Bad night (505)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out

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  (770): I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out http://tfl.nu/sd3d
  Replies (0) Good night (448) Bad night (284)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise

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  (973): You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise http://tfl.nu/rwe2
  Replies (1) Good night (916) Bad night (287)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.

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  (515): Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted. http://tfl.nu/i4ke
  Replies (1) Good night (568) Bad night (257)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.

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  (804): my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important. http://tfl.nu/uv51
  Replies (3) Good night (469) Bad night (231)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.

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  (250): i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties. http://tfl.nu/5hso
  Replies (2) Good night (965) Bad night (239)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.

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  (503): He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment. http://tfl.nu/auln
  Replies (2) Good night (614) Bad night (259)

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