i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
