my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
